Where should I start.

Well, I discovered he moved in his girlfriend. She also has children, their toys are in the backyard. My neighbor's told me and I even have pictures of her sitting on my back porch. It only took him a month to move her in after I left.

He dropped the bomb at the protection order hearing, he filed for divorce that very morning which meant the protection order was tossed to divorce court. But that only means that 1.) they didn't want the case heard 2.) gives them more lee-way for the domestic violence hearing because a judge didn't find him guilty so I can't say that another judge found him guilty 3.) gives them more reason to push for a not guilty plea and 4.) if he gets a not guilty plea it only gives the divorce court judge a reason to toss out the protection order.

So now I am devastated. The only things worse could be if she's pregnant, they get remarried after the 90 day waiting period, and I get nothing at all from the divorce.

Mentally, I am not ok. I am beyond crushed. The fact that this woman has children hurts the worst because for over a year he had me all hyped up to have children of our own and I got into the mindset of having children and being a mommy. Raising our child and decorating a nursery and having all those firsts, like Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, bike riding, all of it. Now I have nothing and he has a whole family. I never thought in a million years he could hurt me how he's done. I know I have made mistakes but I loved him, I really did and was sorry for what I had done and I felt like SHIT the whole time I had an affair. I felt like a total piece of SHIT but he's been doing the same thing and he feels fine for moving her in and her children. I am crushed. I couldn't make this man love me. I tried it all, spicing it up in the bedroom, having sex whenever he asked, made it clear all he had to do was ask, I decorated, I cooked, I looked up recipes that he might like and made them for him, I cleaned (even though I wasn't the best), I helped him with his work, I tried to do it all and it wasn't enough. He hated me. I don't know why this other woman is better than me. I don't understand how he could love her so much to boot me out and replace me. I tried not to bitch and complain or control him. He came home whenever from work, I tried not to question it, I tried to make jokes like "yeah and you were the one coming home 2 hours late last night, ha ha" and he would always have an excuse like he got busy at work and so on. I never told him how he had to cut his hair or his facial hair, didn't matter to me where we went or what we did. I just was happy being with him. But I guess he took all my "laid back-ness" as I didn't give a shit about him but I did. My heart is just broken. I am just so very hurt. I just wanted him to love me and wanted him to want to be with me and he didn't. He loves someone else and I am left without him and without all the dreams I had. I don't know what to do. I am so scared that I will never find anyone to have all my dreams I so badly wanted. I don't know how to get past this.